Dear Edda,

My husband spends his life on his laptop. He stares at it at the breakfast table, he sits it on his lap while he watches TV at night, and he even takes it to the bathroom! I've tried to discuss this with him, but he just ignores me. It's not that I think he's looking at porn or anything. He says he's checking his email or reading the comments on Edhat. But Edda, how do I get him to look at me? I've tried EVERYTHING!

Signed,
Un-PC

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Dear Un,

Everything? Really? Have you tried duct tape and superglue? I didn't think so. Well first let me say, there is probably very little hope for saving this marriage. But I don't believe in giving up like a baby, so try the following:

He probably just enjoys the attention of you nagging him. Find a place where he can be isolated from human contact (the guest room, the sewing room, if you have teenagers put him in with one of them). Pretty soon he'll get lonely.

Buy your own laptop - a better model than his. Set it on the table, the kitchen, bathroom counter, the nightstand. Stare at the screen. Laugh out loud a lot.

Men are babies. They get jealous. He'll come running.

-Edda

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Dear Edda,

Signed,
Shower-hater

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Dear Hater,

No. There is no polite way. When people are fixing to become parents, the world does in fact, revolve around them. And it does not contain any others who have ever experienced pregnancy or childbirth or - soon - parenthood. Nor can anyone ever do any of it as well or as special as they can. I wish there was better news.

Go to Gymboree. Buy one of those nice soft cotton blankies and a pair of teeny little socks. Drop the gift off outside the expectant parent's door with a note that you think you're coming down with "something" and won't be able to make the shower.

-Edda

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Edda Hatte is a loving and sympathetic advice columnist who helps Edhat subscribers navigate through their complicated and stressful lives. Send your questions to askedda@edhat.com.

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